Monday, April 08, 2013

This has no name, it is just emotion



You promised me forever,
But I knew that wouldn’t last
Though who knew the end of forever
Would happen so fast

I made no such promise
Only offered what I could
But I bought into your promise
Far more than I should

Now I have my own forever
But of a different sort
And I promise this forever
Won’t be cut short

Mine is a promise that will keep
You far from my life
Because having you in it
Would cause far too much strife

With your words and actions
You drove me far away
And I promise now forever
That is where I will stay

My forever also comes
With a strong second part
And that is to forever
Keep you out of my heart

Through this discord
Things came to a bitter end
We both have lost something
Me a lover, you a best friend

But perhaps that is better
And in all this there is a light
That false hopes and promises
Shall be forever out of sight

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Writing Once More

Not sure the last time I wrote something... feels good.

Black curtain slashed away
Forced to face the light
No more hiding in shadows
Forced to fight

Green and brown windows
Now take it all in
Always looking out
No longer looking within

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Fay Manor

This is a prologue to a horror story I started writing several years ago. I intend to finish it, and have started transcribing it from the original handwritten pages to my computer. I wanted to share the prologue, for I feel it is a story within its' own right.

Prologue

As I write this down the rain is once again pounding against my window, filtering out light and casting strange shadows across the floor. Perfect. A dark day for a dark tale, a dark tale like the one I have to tell. The tale of Fay Manor.

Fay Manor is located in Ireland. It was built on a hill overlooking a little town called . At first Fay Manor was a beautiful and cheery place, with a big garden surrounding it. It was a gorgeous garden, with roses and ivy climbing over the walls, wild flowers flowing from every available space, and delightful flowering trees that always seemed to be full of birds. The children from the town would go and play in the garden, as it was considered a safe haven for all living creatures. Back then, it wasn’t called Fay Manor, no back then it was known by its’ original name, O’cleary Manor. It was a grand place that had been in the O’cleary family for generations, and was owned by the last of the O’cleary line, an older, well to do couple.

Both of the O’clearys loved having the children over. Their own marriage had been without any child of their own, so they treated the children of the town as their own, offering advice and caring for them all. Mr O’cleary would watch the children dance and play as he worked on the gardens, answering any questions they had about the names of the flowers, while Mrs. O’cleary would bake cookies and other treats for the children to eat. For many years only peace and contentment reigned within those garden walls. Then came ‘The Accident’.

It was all anyone in the town could talk about for weeks, in hushed voices and whispers the rumors around it spread. Those rumors drove away the children, who now feared to go anywhere near the once peaceful garden. They broke the soul of Mr. O’cleary and destroyed the joy held by Mrs. O’cleary, though they were not to blame.

You see, despite the amount of children that visited the garden, there had been one boy who had never been able too. His name was Dillon. Though his brother had frequently visited, and told him wondrous tales about the garden, the trip was not one Dillon could take. When he had been a young boy, a disease had ravaged the poor boy’s body, and left him a cripple. Dillon could not go anywhere without a crutch and a brace, that left his stride with a pronounced limp. It was hard for him to walk anywhere, but especially hard for him to go up hills.

But climb the hill he did. It was hard work, but Dillon wanted to see the garden his brother was always describing. The manor and garden sounded like a haven to him, a place where troubles and worries would fall away, and everyone could be happy. Dillon craved that, so he forced his legs to move, and made his way slowly up the hill. Though it took him awhile, when he reached the garden he felt that it was all worth it. Everything was as his brother described, the children were playing games, there were flowers everywhere, and the O’clearys were happily watching and laughing the antics. He was hooked.

After his first trip, Dillon continued to go back. He honestly felt like it was worth it, he had found a place where he could be accepted and be at peace. And the O’clearys loved his as well. Mrs. O’cleary always had an extra treat for him, and Mr. O’cleary would spend extra time with him, making sure he stayed safe. No one could be happier than Dillon was during those days. Never before could he be very active, but with help he soon became more active. His favorite thing to do was be helped into the trees, where he would sit above everyone, laughing and taking it in. It was that bit of happiness that lead to such tragedy.

For it was from one of the trees that ‘The Accident’ occurred. Dillon was once more sitting in one of his favorite trees, smiling and laughing, when Mrs. O’cleary came out with yet another tray of treats for the little ones to consume. Mr. O’cleary turned his back on Dillon for just a second, to watch as they flocked around his smiling wife, and in that instant everything changed. Though there had always been birds in the garden, they were the sweet and colorful songbird type. None of them were very big, but that day a new type of bird came to the garden. Ravens. The first raven landed right in front of Dillon, startling him so badly that he lost his grip. Crying out, time seemed to slow for him as he began to fall out of the tree. He hit the ground with a sickening thud, a thud so loud it caused all other noises to cease and all creatures to turn in his direction. Silence followed, then a strangled cry came from the throat of Mr. O’cleary as he began to run to the crushed body at the base of the tree. At the noise, life returned, and the children all panicked. Terrified, and not quite sure what had occurred, they fled the garden, screaming and incoherent. All but for Dillon’s older brother, whose stories had encouraged Dillon to come to the garden. He slowly began to walk towards his brother, his pace quickening as he got closer. Tears streamed down his face, but he seemed unable to speak as he reached his brother’s side. Pushing Mr. O’cleary aside, he drew his brother’s body close, and cradled it to his chest rocking back and forth.

It was this scene the villagers stumbled upon. The panicked children had driven the town into a flurry of worry, and they had come to see what had happened. At the front of this herd was Dillon’s father, who had not seen either of his boys’ amongst the children, and had rightfully started to worry. Coming upon such a sight broke something in him, and he stood frozen as his eldest walked towards him, still holding his brother. As a group, the towns’ folk walked back down the hill, no one able to say a word at the sight of the mangled body, all of them trying to shelter the now wrecked family.

A funeral was quickly and quietly planned for Dillon, and his body was laid to rest. Afterwards, the children stopped visiting the Manor. Though no one blamed the O’clearys for what happened, they blamed themselves. Unable to stand the memories, they left the manor behind, moving far away from the village. No one else moved in, and gradually both the garden and the manor held only sadness, and the shadows of times passed. Strange things seemed to occur there, and the villagers avoided even looking at it. Darkness and disrepair ruled where once happiness had shined, and rumors of a curse began to circulate.

Soon it received a new name, Fay Manor. Home only sprites and ghosts, the manor sat empty and alone for a very long time. No one went there except for boys on dares, though even they never went as far as the door. No one, that is, until I went there.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Eternal Slumber
Slash of wrist
Left and right
Flow of blood
End of fight
Drink of death
Slips down throat
Deep in darkness
Away you float
If you slip
Into eternal sleep
Will they notice
Will they weep?

Hidden Within
A deep darkness
Consumes the soul
Makes black abyss
An empty hole
Dark deppression fills
This hollow space
Of light happiness
There is no trace
But hidden deep
Is this fact
Most emotion shown
Is just an act
Rare is seen
What's felt inside
From the world
The truth I hide.

I live with it inside me
The hurt, the pain
I live with these emotions
Making me go insane

I deal with what I’m given
These thoughts that destroy
I deal with how I’m livin’
The missiles I deploy

I fight with my demons
That live inside me
I fight with myself
Because I truly can not see

I hurt with every footfall
Along this path I tread
I hurt with every day that passes
Until inside I feel dead.

My Shining Knight
You hold me to you
To chase away pain
To protect from hurt
Burning like acid rain
You try to posses me
To keep me from harm
To sheild me from all
In love's gentle charm
But still it gets through
To injure me again
To inflict once more
Dark, hear-aching pain
Yet you still try
To do your very best
To let me have peace
So my heart can rest
In your arms I try
To block it all out
To ignore all pain
and anger that's about
I can find a way
To truly be at rest
To truly be at peace
Because you are the best
At helping me try
To beat away pain
To keep away anger
And staying semi-saneI
t's because you try hard
To keep me from harm
To keep me from fight
That could break the charm
That keeps me strong enough
To let me live
To let me love
the one my heart I give
Because he try so hard
To do what is right
To always protect me
My beloved, shining Knight.

Broken Soul
The marks on my arms
At night they bleed
Showing the urge
The craving, the need
The tears on my face
Track a downward path
All which is hid
Behind an akward laugh
Deep down I hide
All that I'm feeling
My emotions and thoughts
I'm constantly sealing
But if you look hard
You still can see
The pain and hurt
That fills me
My eyes are a window
That shows my soul
Fragmented, in pieces
So far from whole.

The Marks that Bleed
Dark line against glowing bronze
Leaks streaming lines of crimson red
Green and Gold eyes look upon
The result of the life they've led
Watches as life's precious nector
Slowly makes it's downward way
Trailing across the warm bronze
Carresing the flesh where it lay
The shinging light within the eyes
Slowly fades into the dark
While trailing streams of crimson dry
Leaving only red-brown marks
As glowing bronze loses its gleam
And it's warmth fades aways
Because the light that fills the being
No longer can it stay.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Oh how I wish you could see
Exactly what you do to me
Every time you give a smile
Whenever you leave for awhile
How you can tear me all apart
How you control my entire heart
Blocking out my logical brain
Causing me to go insane
You want to try to help me to heal
To know exactly how I feel
But I can't show you that yet
While the blood is still wet
From my heart that bleeds so free
From long before you met me
My trust is shattered into bits
And every little attack hits
Another nerve that is shattered
Until my pieces are all scattered
Into dust, into the dark
Leaving not a single mark
I need to you be much more
Then you've ever been before
But I don't think you're up to it
To make the pieces all fit
To bring the puzzle back to place
To see my hidden, true face
There's so much you don’t' know
You have so much room to grow
And you'll sprout far from me
Because I know set you free
To set your own pace
In this hard, long race
That we all must take in life
That is filled with so much strife
You will learn just what I mean
When you have truly seen
What I face in this mad world
What before me has unfurled
What has made me this way
Hardly passing through the day
Feeling inside so much pain
Letting terror win yet again.

Tears flow freely
I hold the blade tight
All is a muddled gray
Combining black with white

A shot of crimson
Shines from the abyss
Speaking of pain
Of something amiss
Why am I like this
So torn up inside
Why do I always
Try so hard to hide

I don't understand
What is going on
Or quite why all peace
Has finally gone

Deep the silver bites
Bringing more tears
Chasing back hurt
Blocking out my fears

But its doesnt last
It all come back again
All the resentment
The craziness and pain

To eat me alive
To tear me apart
To cut me to shreds
To rip out my heart

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

<3 For V-day....

I wrote this in a forum I frequent... its for someone special to me... I wrote it in the post message box/window, then posted it...

With your strong arms
You help me stand tall
With your kiss
You make me fall

With your gentle touch
I can feel once again
With your soft kindness
My worries are slain

With you as my shelter
I can weather this storm
With you as my guide
The cold becomes warm

With you in my life
All else fades away
With you by my side
Its the happiest day

Though I don't deserve
You will love me still
Every aspect of you
Are my dreams fufilled

Without you around
I would be quite lost
Without your fire
I would turn to frost

Without your direction
I'd be turned around
Without you caring
I'd never be found

With you in my life
I feel so alive
With you helping me
Inside I can thrive

Without you around
My days would be gray
So I dearly hope
You never go away

For through all the troubles
And all that I do
Please always remember
That I truly love you.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Inside it hurts
The marks show all
Warm bronze marred
Shiny drops that fall
Pain filled eyes
Hide from the day
Seeking night
And their own way

Dark waterfall covers
Protecting from sight
Keeping out shadows
Shutting out fright
The haunting windows
Of green gold, and gray
Holding deep secrets
Shining in an odd way

All are held there
If one looked deep
If into the chasm
One wished to leap
There they would see
The truth to be found
Of pain that is hidden
Yet still all around