Collections Of Writing

Fay Manor

2010-11-02T10:08:00.000-07:00

This is a prologue to a horror story I started writing several years ago. I intend to finish it, and have started transcribing it from the original handwritten pages to my computer. I wanted to share the prologue, for I feel it is a story within its' own right.

Prologue

As I write this down the rain is once again pounding against my window, filtering out light and casting strange shadows across the floor. Perfect. A dark day for a dark tale, a dark tale like the one I have to tell. The tale of Fay Manor.

Fay Manor is located in Ireland. It was built on a hill overlooking a little town called . At first Fay Manor was a beautiful and cheery place, with a big garden surrounding it. It was a gorgeous garden, with roses and ivy climbing over the walls, wild flowers flowing from every available space, and delightful flowering trees that always seemed to be full of birds. The children from the town would go and play in the garden, as it was considered a safe haven for all living creatures. Back then, it wasn’t called Fay Manor, no back then it was known by its’ original name, O’cleary Manor. It was a grand place that had been in the O’cleary family for generations, and was owned by the last of the O’cleary line, an older, well to do couple.

Both of the O’clearys loved having the children over. Their own marriage had been without any child of their own, so they treated the children of the town as their own, offering advice and caring for them all. Mr O’cleary would watch the children dance and play as he worked on the gardens, answering any questions they had about the names of the flowers, while Mrs. O’cleary would bake cookies and other treats for the children to eat. For many years only peace and contentment reigned within those garden walls. Then came ‘The Accident’.

It was all anyone in the town could talk about for weeks, in hushed voices and whispers the rumors around it spread. Those rumors drove away the children, who now feared to go anywhere near the once peaceful garden. They broke the soul of Mr. O’cleary and destroyed the joy held by Mrs. O’cleary, though they were not to blame.

You see, despite the amount of children that visited the garden, there had been one boy who had never been able too. His name was Dillon. Though his brother had frequently visited, and told him wondrous tales about the garden, the trip was not one Dillon could take. When he had been a young boy, a disease had ravaged the poor boy’s body, and left him a cripple. Dillon could not go anywhere without a crutch and a brace, that left his stride with a pronounced limp. It was hard for him to walk anywhere, but especially hard for him to go up hills.

But climb the hill he did. It was hard work, but Dillon wanted to see the garden his brother was always describing. The manor and garden sounded like a haven to him, a place where troubles and worries would fall away, and everyone could be happy. Dillon craved that, so he forced his legs to move, and made his way slowly up the hill. Though it took him awhile, when he reached the garden he felt that it was all worth it. Everything was as his brother described, the children were playing games, there were flowers everywhere, and the O’clearys were happily watching and laughing the antics. He was hooked.

After his first trip, Dillon continued to go back. He honestly felt like it was worth it, he had found a place where he could be accepted and be at peace. And the O’clearys loved his as well. Mrs. O’cleary always had an extra treat for him, and Mr. O’cleary would spend extra time with him, making sure he stayed safe. No one could be happier than Dillon was during those days. Never before could he be very active, but with help he soon became more active. His favorite thing to do was be helped into the trees, where he would sit above everyone, laughing and taking it in. It was that bit of happiness that lead to such tragedy.

For it was from one of the trees that ‘The Accident’ occurred. Dillon was once more sitting in one of his favorite trees, smiling and laughing, when Mrs. O’cleary came out with yet another tray of treats for the little ones to consume. Mr. O’cleary turned his back on Dillon for just a second, to watch as they flocked around his smiling wife, and in that instant everything changed. Though there had always been birds in the garden, they were the sweet and colorful songbird type. None of them were very big, but that day a new type of bird came to the garden. Ravens. The first raven landed right in front of Dillon, startling him so badly that he lost his grip. Crying out, time seemed to slow for him as he began to fall out of the tree. He hit the ground with a sickening thud, a thud so loud it caused all other noises to cease and all creatures to turn in his direction. Silence followed, then a strangled cry came from the throat of Mr. O’cleary as he began to run to the crushed body at the base of the tree. At the noise, life returned, and the children all panicked. Terrified, and not quite sure what had occurred, they fled the garden, screaming and incoherent. All but for Dillon’s older brother, whose stories had encouraged Dillon to come to the garden. He slowly began to walk towards his brother, his pace quickening as he got closer. Tears streamed down his face, but he seemed unable to speak as he reached his brother’s side. Pushing Mr. O’cleary aside, he drew his brother’s body close, and cradled it to his chest rocking back and forth.

It was this scene the villagers stumbled upon. The panicked children had driven the town into a flurry of worry, and they had come to see what had happened. At the front of this herd was Dillon’s father, who had not seen either of his boys’ amongst the children, and had rightfully started to worry. Coming upon such a sight broke something in him, and he stood frozen as his eldest walked towards him, still holding his brother. As a group, the towns’ folk walked back down the hill, no one able to say a word at the sight of the mangled body, all of them trying to shelter the now wrecked family.

A funeral was quickly and quietly planned for Dillon, and his body was laid to rest. Afterwards, the children stopped visiting the Manor. Though no one blamed the O’clearys for what happened, they blamed themselves. Unable to stand the memories, they left the manor behind, moving far away from the village. No one else moved in, and gradually both the garden and the manor held only sadness, and the shadows of times passed. Strange things seemed to occur there, and the villagers avoided even looking at it. Darkness and disrepair ruled where once happiness had shined, and rumors of a curse began to circulate.

Soon it received a new name, Fay Manor. Home only sprites and ghosts, the manor sat empty and alone for a very long time. No one went there except for boys on dares, though even they never went as far as the door. No one, that is, until I went there.

2008-10-18T03:41:00.000-07:00

Eternal Slumber
Slash of wrist
Left and right
Flow of blood
End of fight
Drink of death
Slips down throat
Deep in darkness
Away you float
If you slip
Into eternal sleep
Will they notice
Will they weep?

Hidden Within
A deep darkness
Consumes the soul
Makes black abyss
An empty hole
Dark deppression fills
This hollow space
Of light happiness
There is no trace
But hidden deep
Is this fact
Most emotion shown
Is just an act
Rare is seen
What's felt inside
From the world
The truth I hide.

2008-10-18T03:12:00.000-07:00

I live with it inside me
The hurt, the pain
I live with these emotions
Making me go insane

I deal with what I’m given
These thoughts that destroy
I deal with how I’m livin’
The missiles I deploy

I fight with my demons
That live inside me
I fight with myself
Because I truly can not see

I hurt with every footfall
Along this path I tread
I hurt with every day that passes
Until inside I feel dead.

My Shining Knight
You hold me to you
To chase away pain
To protect from hurt
Burning like acid rain
You try to posses me
To keep me from harm
To sheild me from all
In love's gentle charm
But still it gets through
To injure me again
To inflict once more
Dark, hear-aching pain
Yet you still try
To do your very best
To let me have peace
So my heart can rest
In your arms I try
To block it all out
To ignore all pain
and anger that's about
I can find a way
To truly be at rest
To truly be at peace
Because you are the best
At helping me try
To beat away pain
To keep away anger
And staying semi-saneI
t's because you try hard
To keep me from harm
To keep me from fight
That could break the charm
That keeps me strong enough
To let me live
To let me love
the one my heart I give
Because he try so hard
To do what is right
To always protect me
My beloved, shining Knight.

2008-10-18T03:07:00.000-07:00

Broken Soul
The marks on my arms
At night they bleed
Showing the urge
The craving, the need
The tears on my face
Track a downward path
All which is hid
Behind an akward laugh
Deep down I hide
All that I'm feeling
My emotions and thoughts
I'm constantly sealing
But if you look hard
You still can see
The pain and hurt
That fills me
My eyes are a window
That shows my soul
Fragmented, in pieces
So far from whole.

The Marks that Bleed
Dark line against glowing bronze
Leaks streaming lines of crimson red
Green and Gold eyes look upon
The result of the life they've led
Watches as life's precious nector
Slowly makes it's downward way
Trailing across the warm bronze
Carresing the flesh where it lay
The shinging light within the eyes
Slowly fades into the dark
While trailing streams of crimson dry
Leaving only red-brown marks
As glowing bronze loses its gleam
And it's warmth fades aways
Because the light that fills the being
No longer can it stay.

2008-03-21T04:08:00.000-07:00

Oh how I wish you could see
Exactly what you do to me
Every time you give a smile
Whenever you leave for awhile
How you can tear me all apart
How you control my entire heart
Blocking out my logical brain
Causing me to go insane
You want to try to help me to heal
To know exactly how I feel
But I can't show you that yet
While the blood is still wet
From my heart that bleeds so free
From long before you met me
My trust is shattered into bits
And every little attack hits
Another nerve that is shattered
Until my pieces are all scattered
Into dust, into the dark
Leaving not a single mark
I need to you be much more
Then you've ever been before
But I don't think you're up to it
To make the pieces all fit
To bring the puzzle back to place
To see my hidden, true face
There's so much you don’t' know
You have so much room to grow
And you'll sprout far from me
Because I know set you free
To set your own pace
In this hard, long race
That we all must take in life
That is filled with so much strife
You will learn just what I mean
When you have truly seen
What I face in this mad world
What before me has unfurled
What has made me this way
Hardly passing through the day
Feeling inside so much pain
Letting terror win yet again.

2008-03-21T04:03:00.000-07:00

Tears flow freely
I hold the blade tight
All is a muddled gray
Combining black with white

A shot of crimson
Shines from the abyss
Speaking of pain
Of something amiss
Why am I like this
So torn up inside
Why do I always
Try so hard to hide

I don't understand
What is going on
Or quite why all peace
Has finally gone

Deep the silver bites
Bringing more tears
Chasing back hurt
Blocking out my fears

But its doesnt last
It all come back again
All the resentment
The craziness and pain

To eat me alive
To tear me apart
To cut me to shreds
To rip out my heart

<3 For V-day....

2008-02-13T00:58:00.000-08:00

I wrote this in a forum I frequent... its for someone special to me... I wrote it in the post message box/window, then posted it...

With your strong arms
You help me stand tall
With your kiss
You make me fall

With your gentle touch
I can feel once again
With your soft kindness
My worries are slain

With you as my shelter
I can weather this storm
With you as my guide
The cold becomes warm

With you in my life
All else fades away
With you by my side
Its the happiest day

Though I don't deserve
You will love me still
Every aspect of you
Are my dreams fufilled

Without you around
I would be quite lost
Without your fire
I would turn to frost

Without your direction
I'd be turned around
Without you caring
I'd never be found

With you in my life
I feel so alive
With you helping me
Inside I can thrive

Without you around
My days would be gray
So I dearly hope
You never go away

For through all the troubles
And all that I do
Please always remember
That I truly love you.

2008-01-24T02:50:00.000-08:00

Inside it hurts
The marks show all
Warm bronze marred
Shiny drops that fall
Pain filled eyes
Hide from the day
Seeking night
And their own way

Dark waterfall covers
Protecting from sight
Keeping out shadows
Shutting out fright
The haunting windows
Of green gold, and gray
Holding deep secrets
Shining in an odd way

All are held there
If one looked deep
If into the chasm
One wished to leap
There they would see
The truth to be found
Of pain that is hidden
Yet still all around

A poem I wrote in the dead of night

2007-09-17T02:21:00.000-07:00

Darkness

Ink black hair falls across the face
Twisted heart calls out from a place
Of despair and desire, pleasure and pain
Where horror and sadness take the reign
In this dark hole she stands alone
Joy and sorrow cutting to the bone
Stripping away her sanity
Never allowing her to just be

Though other try, they do fail
Before this darkness they quail
For none is strong enough to care
To reach her when she is there
Not helping them out at all
She allows herself to fall
Cutting off all outside thought
Inside is where the battle is fought

Blocking off all ways back out
She still tries to scream and shout
Though the reason she is there
Is that she no longer cares
About herself in any way
Creature of night, fears the day
When often she can seem to blend
And often even seems to mend

But all that work is blown apart
As darkness controls the heart
Allowing only pain to rule
Making her seem the fool
For thinking she could best this curse
By speaking rhyme, quoting verse
But nothing touches the despair
And once again she does not care

One day she will have to choose
Which part of her is too lose
And in this choice shall lie her fate
Which path for her does wait
Each choice leads to a different pain
Each path leads to a different plain
Where in herself she is almost whole
Where she can at last, see her soul

One path leads down into the graves
One path her own life she saves
With one choice she leaves this earth
While the other is a rebirth
But which is the one that she claims
As her body and soul she maims
The one that leads her to rest in peace
Or the one where she lives with her beast.

One I wrote in Class, but which describes me

2007-08-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

Are You Happy?
Happy. Of course I am
why wouldn’t I be
what could possibly be wrong?

Sad. That’s what I really am
the sadness is always there
there’s something wrong.

Happy. Who isn’t happy
what is there in this world
that could make
a person unhappy?

Sad. So many are this way
and I am one of those
just look at the world

Happy. Why would you think
that I am ever not
seriously, I’m never not happy

Sad. Look at my smile
it’s so fake, look at
eyes they show it all

Why ever would you think
that I am happy?

Two Poems about the Darkness I feel

2007-08-11T19:33:00.000-07:00

Black Mask
Black mask, falling in waves
Hides the windows to the soul
Satin sheet like waterfall
Yet wild, and out of control
At times like dark wire
Sharp whip, bringing pain
Hides away the truth so that
The glint is shown plain
Framing and blocking dark spark
Which shows what lies inside
What almost is an empty shell
That dark emotions like to ride
Both passion and pain reside within
The soulful gleam that it covers
Both together fill and fight
And are entwined like lovers
All within the beast’s heart
Who hides beneath the black curtain
Which way the creature’s path is set
Nothing is yet certain
To perish with a soul so black
May yet be her fate
Though for a peaceful reckoning
It may not be too late

Pain’s Tears
Dark line against glowing bronze
Leaks streaming lines of crimson red
Green and gold eyes look upon
The result of the life they’ve led
Watches as life’s’ precious nectar
Slowly makes its downward way
Traveling across the warm bronze
Caressing the flesh where it lay

The shining light within the eyes
Slowly fades into the dark
While trailing streams of red dry
Leaving only red-brown marks
As glowing bronze loses its gleam
And its warmth fades away
Because the light that fills this being
No longer can it stay

A Moonlight Swim

2007-02-02T10:09:00.000-08:00

Running harder then she had ever run before, Hatsumi was trying to escape the wave of anger and death that was following her and her companion, Lukas. If they could only get to the lake ahead, then they could be free.
Glancing back over her shoulder, she noticed that they were farther behind then when the chase had started, but now there were more of them. Shit. This was not good, and getting steadily worse. If the mob caught them, then her life was over. Or at least, her un-life, since she had dies years before. That was the price for immortal life.
With long black hair, pale skin, slim build, and almond shaped eyes, Hatsumi looked like a young Asian girl who hadn’t got enough sun. In reality, her skin was pale because she couldn’t be in the sun without dying, and she was no longer a girl, but a creature of the night. A vampire, as was her companion, Lukas. Lukas was the opposite of her, with his short blonde hair, and tall, husky build.
It was because of what they were that they were running for their lives right now. While they had been feeding, and young man had walked in on them. Before she could roll his mind so that he forgot what he saw, he had bolted to scream out the discovery to everyone still in the pub. Word had spread quickly, to quick. Though they tried to slip out, they were caught by a mass of torch, cross and pitchfork carrying town members. It didn’t help matters that Hatsumi had killed the boy. Or at least, killed him for now.
A slight grin grew across her face at that, but didn’t stay there for long. Hatsumi knew that if she was still alive right now, then her breath would be short. Not to mention her heart would be trying to pound its way out of her chest. But since she wasn’t, she didn’t have those problems. However, she did have the problem of running out of energy when she didn’t get enough blood. And since she had been interrupted while her and Lukas were drinking, she knew neither of them had drank even close to enough that night.
Quickly checking over her shoulder once more, she realized that she was even more fucked then she originally thought. Crosses and torches were bad enough; if they caught them then they could do some wicked damage, but what they had now they didn’t even need to be close to use. Some one had found some crossbows. Though there were only three that she saw before she whipped her head back around, that was still three to many. Even one could do serious damage.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. She felt a bolt go right past her head, and saw it land several feet ahead. Moving around it, she put on another burst of speed, knowing she just needed to reach the lake, if she did that she could live. Great thing about not having to breathe, means you don’t drown either. All she had to do was go and sit on the bottom of the lake until the next night, and she would be safe.
As she ran, she could feel more bolts pass by her, and hear the ones that missed her hitting the ground behind her. Then she felt a sharp pain in her shoulder, and stumbled. God damn it. One had hit her, talking a few seconds to reach back and rip it out, she continued on. Lukas stopped as well, to make sure she was all right, and one hit him straight in the chest. With a look of surprise, he burst into dust.
Hatsumi didn’t even blink; she just took off once more. Trying to keep herself from meeting the same fate, she focused on one thing. Reaching the lake. All else faded into the back round, a blur of noise, and green as she passed the trees and bushes that surround her goal. Just a few yards more and she would be safe.
Spotting a rock that gave an excellent angel to push off, she used all her strength to propel herself off it. Arching her body in the air, she hit hands first, slicing through the water straight to the dark depths. With a few good kicks, she was far beneath the surface, and well out of range of any shots they might try to get in.
Since she had plans to stay there all night long, she headed towards the bottom where she figured she could find something to weigh herself down with. Shit. This night had not gone as planned. It didn’t bother her losing Lukas too much, she was only with him for a little while any way, but her other plans might be ruined now. Hopefully they would spend the day trying to hunt her down, figuring she would leave the lake before dawn, and not stay there. Other wise they might remember her “victim”.
Finally reaching the bottom, she found some plant that worked well as a restraint for her body. She was forced to sleep during the day, and floating to the top would not be a good thing. After making sure she was securely fastened, she closed her eyes, and drifted off.

Several hours later, probably about 15, she awoke once more. From the dark shades of the surrounding water, she could tell it was night once more. Or at least dusk and dark enough for her to emerge from the water’s depths. Quickly untying the plants from her wrists, she pushed off from the bottom, and floated to the surface.
Breaking the water quietly, she swam swiftly to one side, on the look out for any member of the town who might be on lookout. She slipped into the woods, and headed for a cave she has scouted out when she had first come to town. Inside was a change of clothes, and the rest of her belongings. Anything she left in town was sure to be burned, but as a precaution she had found this cave and stored most of her stuff there. Being what she was, it was always smart to be prepared for mobs, and the like.
Within a few minutes, she had located the cave, and found her stuff. Changing quickly out of the dripping velvet dress she was wearing, she put on something that would be easier to maneuver in. A close-fitting leather dress, that she had gotten it when she took a brief trip to the English Colonies. It was what the natives there had worn, and she had found it comfortable, and useful. The dark color of the clothe blended well with the shadows, and the flexibility of the material made it easy to move in.
Wrapping a dark cloak about her, she started back towards town. About now, the young man would be awake. And she needed to be there for him. Hopefully, his body hadn’t been dealt with. If it hadn’t, then he should be prepared to meet her near the back of the town.
It was this reason that she hadn’t cared about Lukas too much. He had never really been a companion of hers, more just another of her kind going in the same direction, someone to talk to. What she had really wanted was someone to stay with her for a lot longer. Some one to who would care for her, and would want to share this dark life with her. In this town she had found that person.
A young man, age 20, named James lived in this town. During her stay, she had become friends with him. He was a handsome lad, with brown curls, and deep brown eyes. Currently his skin was tan, but after a few years as a vampire, it would fade to a pale tan. She had been in town for about a week now, and had finally decided to bring him over. It was he that she was going to meet now.
Slowing as she neared the edge of town, she cam to the tree that they had agreed to meet under. For a minute, her breath was caught in her throat, as she thought that he wasn’t there. That they must have made sure his body couldn’t rise. But then she noticed one of his curls peeking out from the other side of the tree. She sighed with relief.
At the slight sound of her sigh, he looked around the edge of the tree. Seeing that it was her, he smiled, and she smiled back. He quickly got to his feet, and began to approach her. When he got near, he moved with the speed her kind possessed in small amounts, and swept her into an embrace. As he held her, she felt his body tense with worry, then pull back.
“Where did you get that wound?” Asked James, the concern heavy in his voice.
Until that moment, she had forgotten the puncture mark that the cross bolt had left in her skin. Though it had mostly healed, there was still a good-sized wound near her shoulder blade.
Laughing, she told him it was nothing, just a scratch given to her by the mob last night. With a grin he said the words that sent chills down her spine, brought a huge grin to my face, and cemented the idea that they would have a good time together.“Let’s destroy the town, then.”

Short Story

2006-10-24T13:21:00.000-07:00

As she sat in her room, she wondered how she got here. How she got to this place of despair, to this feeling of loss. Well, she had lost everything. All because of him. He had come in, showing her a good time, acting her friend. Then, he had turned her family against her. She tried to tell the truth, tried to tell them what was happening, but they hadn’t believed her. Now they to were dead, and he was coming for her. She could almost sense him, coming up the stairs as quiet as a cat, never making a sound as he then headed for her door. She could feel him as he moved closer and closer, but she knew there was nothing she could do, nowhere she could hides. He would find her.
The handle of her door slowly turned, and then her door was pushed open. Like a shadow, he entered.
“Hello again, my dear.” He breathed, hi accent as heavy as ever. It had been this accent that attracted me to him in the first place. “Now, why are you so afraid? I am not going t o hurt you. Well, not at first. But after that brief moment of pain, you will find yourself in a wonderful new state of mind.”
As he had been saying this, she had realized what he was really going to do. He wasn’t going to kill, as she had originally thought, no, he was going to make her like him. A monster.
“Never,” Barely even getting this word out she was so chocked up with fear. She became less afraid as she talked. Knowing she was going one way or another, she decided it was best to go out with courage. “I will never become like you. Never!”
Smiling, he watched as she stood up and glared defiantly at him. Suddenly, he was at her side, pulling her to him, and latching his long canines to her throat. Struggling, she tried to pull away, to fight him, but a kind of ecstasy came over her in waves. Slowly, it overcame, and pacified her. It was if he had drugged her. Slowly, she faded into a black pit of unknowing.
What seemed like hours, but was naught but a few minutes, later, she felt a few warm drops on her lips. She licked her lips to see what it was, tasted something coppery, then swallowed. Her body was immediately, and suddenly, overwrought with spasms of pain. This disappeared as quickly as it came, and she was once again thrown into the black pit of nothingness.

When she woke, she felt a fierce hunger, more a longing then anything else. It filled her with a consuming Desire for the taste she had had a bit ago. It blacked out all other thoughts. She smelled a warm body near her, and made her way towards it, wanting to sate this hunger. She drank. Slowly, thought returned, as the fog in her mind cleared. Also, she realized something. She felt powerful. All her life she had been weak, but now she was almost more powerful then the creature the sat in her corner. Turning to him, she smiled and stood up. Unchastely, he embraced her, before they both turned to the night, leaving the body of her mother behind. She didn’t even glance back at it in her room, as she left to start her new unlife.

2006-07-29T01:33:00.000-07:00

Kiss of Darkness

A sharp pain
Then utter bliss
As I am given
The eternal kiss
Blood flows from
My veins to you
I start to get weaker
You are almost through

Beginning to go limp
I know it is time
You draw back
And cut a line
The liquid wells
Across your chest
I begin to drink
From your breast

My breath is caught
Within my throat
Quick pleasure rush
Then in blackness I float
Slowly I come
To myself once more
Without thought I arise
Different then before

No longer is needed
Food, breath or heat
All that is needed is
Blood to be complete
Going out into the night
Stalking hand in hand
To sup on the fleshOf the people of the land.

Something new

2006-06-24T03:53:00.000-07:00

For once, this will actually be a love poem O_O I scare myself.

Your Embrace
Sorrow fills me everyday
Except when I am around you
Whenever I am in your arms
I feel a love so true
Raidiating from us both
Creating a warm cover
Circling all around us
A single pair of lovers
Keeping us safe from harm
That other try cause
Drowing out in our hearts
All the little flaws
This is how you make me feel
Whenever you are around
Like my self is lifted up
No longer on the ground.

Forever
I can't promise you forever
But I'll give you what I can
Both of us entwined
Walking together hand in hand

As long as I am with you
My heart will be yours
And maybe even after
It will be even more

Stay with me for now
Love me while you can
Walk with me together
Always hand in hand

More pain. Maybe I should rename this that?

2006-03-31T12:47:00.000-08:00

More pain filled poetry. Yay! *snort* Yeah, so. Finally posting.

Not There
What's the point
Of going on
Will anyone notice
If I'm gone

If I dissapear
From all sight
If I escape
From Life's fight

Just leave behind
all pain, all woe
Just plain up
Leave and go

Would they see
Would they care
Would they notice
If I'm not there.

This one has no name... once agian. Thinking of maybe Backstabbing Best Freind?? I was also suggested to use the name ' Best Freind?'.

Why do you torment me
And try to take him away
Can't you see I need him
How seeing him makes my day?

Stop being so selfish
He's your freind as well
Can't you be happy with that
Stop putting me through hell

I know you have issues
Well, I have them too
Can't you understand that
And as a friend be true?

Update

2006-03-23T09:46:00.000-08:00

Okay. Wow. I have not posted on here in a LONG time. Damn. I should post more. So. This isn't a post of more poetry, for the few that I see may have been reading it ^_^ Which I love. But, there will be one soon. Hopefully. If my computer didn't lose it all T-T

something new! LOVE!

2005-08-19T00:04:00.000-07:00

Like OMG. Its not all dark and painful. Oh wait, yes it is XD

Why do I feel
The way that I do
Why out of all
Did it have to be you?

It could have been
Someone not wrong
Instead of someone
Who is way too young

But yet I do feel
So utterly right
As if with you, I
Could cease to fight

Something calls me
Deep within
Despite my mind
My heart may win

But until that day
I wont speak to you
Of how I feel
So strong and true

More Pain. How fun!

2005-08-18T23:58:00.000-07:00

More poetry written about the pain i feel

I am Unseen
By those around
Insignificant being
Not truly known
Around me swirls
Life’s bold patterns
Lines and whorls
Together twist
People fast paced
Striding past
Once I raced
But not any more
Once I showed
That I was someone
Once I flowed
With them all
Dropping out
I wasn’t seen
And nothing about
Me is known
In corner is sit
Wishing, watching
To be every bit
Someone who’s known

Pain flows through me
I let out a gasp
Falling to the floor
I try to grasp
How this anger
Could fill me so
How this pain
Came from this roe
But you still yet
Have pain for me
And until you let go
I wont truly be free.

Stranded on a island....

2005-06-01T22:38:00.000-07:00

If Stranded on a Lush Tropical Island for a month, what would happen to…
By Zandra Troiani

Austin: Heading off into the forest by himself, Austin would need human contact every once in awhile. About once a week, he would come to visit the camp set up by us girls and Reed. During the rest of the time, Austin would be at his own camp, or out scavenging for fruit. His camp would be set up on the borderline between the beach and the forest, and would be near water. At first his camp would be made up only of a bed of branches, but later he would upgrade to a hut type structure.
About the first few hours, Austin would strip down to his boxers only. He would remove all of his clothes, but keep them nearby in a pile. This pile would be in a place where the shoes would remain white.

Ammon: Ammon would head off into the forest, needing peace and solitude. We would then not see him till much later. Finally, when a rescue crew did arrive, we would find him, fully clothed, next a camp fire and happily munching on part of his fruit stock that he collected every few days. The place he would be at would be neat, and he would have found a way to turn coconut shells into water holders.

Chevy: Sticking with the main group, Chevy would keep the fire going, and occasionally roasting the fruit brought in. Together, the whole group of girls would have made themselves huts out of various parts of the trees surrounding them. Mostly, the group would be in a position of comfort, not needing to do much to survive, so Chevy would think of questions and word games to play. Being bored, we would all play and learn a lot about each other. Also, several times, Chevy would go off to explore, usually with either me or Reed.
Since the island would be hot, Chevy would be like me, in shorts and a bra.

Marisa: Also sticking with the main group, Marisa would be on watch duty. She would sit with at camp with Chevy, while the rest were off on their various jobs, and she would watch for an incoming ship or plane and attempt to get their attention. She would also be helping Chevy with thinking of word games and question type things to do. The type of thing like, the what if game.
Being a more modest seeming girl, Marisa would be wearing a shirt, tied up at just above chest level, and a pair of shorts.

Megan: Megan would also stick with the main group, and would be assigned the duty of getting water. Megan would be the one who we would learn the least about, as she is the quietest and would open up less. Megan would participate often in the word games, but not always. She would also go off on her own occasionally, and explore the wilderness around us. Like Marisa, she would be wearing a shirt and shorts, but her shirt wouldn’t be tied up.

Reed: At first Reed would try to go off by himself, but by the third day, he would rejoin the main group. The reason for this would be his need to have someone to talk to, and he needs human company. His job would then be Fire wood collector. Reed would always actively participate in the games, and would explore the Island, though only with Chevy.
Reed would be wearing shorts only, and would lose his other clothes somewhere in the woods.

Me: Being the type that gets things done, and the type that would enjoy a time like this, if it was temporary, I would take control and give everyone an assignment. Though, it would all be logical stuff so that no one would argue. My job would be to find fruit for food. During my scavenging, I would explore the entire island. I would also explore the island more in my spare time. Needing to talk a lot, I would actively participate in all group talks and games, and would probably start a lot of them when I was bored. Getting most of my solace from my fruit picking, I would not need any other time away from the rest of the group, and would try to make friends with all of them.
Being not as modest as some, and highly unable to stand large amounts of heat, I would where he same type of dress as Chevy. Basically, a bra and shorts.

This is about my ex.

2005-02-28T18:40:00.000-08:00

I hate you, but I love you
You disgust me, yet I want you
Should I give you pain, or give you pleasure
I'm not sure, first no, then yes
First I don't, then I do,
'm confused
You hurt me, should I hurt you
Should I let it go, or hold on
And to what, to anger, to hate
Or to love and to pain
Which should I trully feel
It's unclear
I want to cry, but I stand tall
Holding it in, holding it all
Saying I feel, what I do, yet don't
I hate myself, no I hate you
I hate everything, then nothing at all
Help me.

Fear that I feel

2004-11-09T15:15:00.000-08:00

Life’s Sweet Fears

A sadness flows through me
A wish to weep anew
A corrupt soul beneath me
I see no way through

Confidence, turned upside down
The fear I breed within
Takes control as anger
Oh, I can not win

Through out my dark journey
I pass, invisible to all
I need so much more
To stop me from my fall

I wish that I could feel
A joy unchecked inside
Instead of all this fear
That I can barely hide.

Um...somthing new.

2004-09-27T14:40:00.000-07:00

Um, I wrote this last night when I was felling like shit. I always seem to write better when I am felling like shit, but oh well.

You're like a best friend
So sweet and true
Without you in my life
I wouldn't know what to do
When I feel blue or down
I just want to talk to you
To tell you all my woes
my dreams, and hopes, anything new

You alone ignite in me
A deep untamed fire
A wanting to be near you
In joy, in pain, in dark desire
I wish to hold you near
All the day, all the night
To be with you right now
Just feels so damn right.

Um...cats

2004-09-24T14:56:00.000-07:00

Eyes of green
Gold or blue
Nightly glowing
In bright hues

Pointed ears
And furry tail
Able to walk
On roof and rail

Softly padding
In the night
Curled up sleeping
In sunlight

dij

2004-08-25T18:07:00.001-07:00

I feel so bad
I wish to tell
how I feel
for him so well

how despite
Many tellings
of how he can
hurt my feelings

I can't help
myself at all
I can't resist
i want ot fall

I want to wrap
myself in him
I want to die
I can not win.

Just...somthing

2004-08-23T17:51:00.000-07:00

I veiw the world
Through looking glass
I see it as though
It backwards, pass

I see the world
As a young kid
beleiving in the good
Of where I live

I watch the world
Be filled with bad
That devours all
There is to have

But still I see
A chance of good
If only all on this earth
did as they should.

Just somthing

2004-06-17T12:43:00.000-07:00

sadness pours
from within
looking for
a true friend

Wanting peace
Deep inside
Wanting to rlese
what i hide

Changing is
what I want
To show what
I think I can't.

a spontanious out pour

2004-06-12T13:57:00.000-07:00

I got bored yesterday, and wrote this...In viking runes. As I said i got bored.

Gentle Touch

Life without
Sweet caress
Starts within
Deep unrest

Touching of
Gentle skin
Beating heart
popunds within.

Poems of life

2004-06-10T13:08:00.000-07:00

The rush of life

I sing to me
My siren song
Of things that
Don’t belong

I sing of fear
Of hate, of pain
Longing for
That rush again

I need to feel
All differently
Love and joy
And things to be.

Feeling inside

Songs of sorrow
Songs of hate
Are not found
On our first date

Slow and dreamy
Staring down
Sheepishly I
Watch the ground

Blush of pink
Of rosy red
I feel alive
No longer dead

You bring with you
A peaceful joy
To be experienced
By each girl and boy.

Writing of A sadder style

2004-06-10T13:06:00.000-07:00

Peace for the sorrow

Nothing but
A single sound
As the raindrop
Hits the ground

The melody
That it plays
Is to be saved
For later days

For days of peace
And days of sad
Of sorrow song
That is to be had

Catch it in glass
Of silver fine
Catch one in yours
And one in mine.

A short, and hopefully creepy, story.

2004-06-09T17:12:00.000-07:00

As she sat at the computer, she blanked. How could she do this? How could she write something like this, when she had barely written anything before? Huff, she let out a tremendous sigh, ok, stop thinking, that's what ya got to do, she thought to her self. So she did. Turning on her headphones she let it low, the thoughts, the emotions, they were all there, waiting for her to release them. So she did. For hours she sat there, not thinking of anything but the flow, the train of images and feeling that came to her and traversed out her fingers to be typed on the page. She barely even acknowledged the fact that her parents had called her in for dinner. She just typed. This is what she had dreamed of doing the first time she read the flyer, this felt right to her. The sound of the keys brought to her the sound of sweet music. The light of the computer brought her into her role, she immersed her self in it. Reveling in her own thoughts, but yet, they weren’t quite her own, they seemed to have a spirit of their own. But she ignored that fact, instead she just typed. Hour’s later sleep brought her back; she had to rest, had to restore herself to type more beautiful thoughts and feelings. She went to bed. All night, thoughts infiltrated her dreams, things she did not know, did not recognize, things that were stranger than the stories of fantasy told when she was little. They scared her. But she could not escape them, they followed her, always the same distance behind her, she could never out run them, never hide from them, they would always be there, always trying to get her. She should surrender to them; she would always lose any ways. A part of her still fought them, but it would lose. They could wait forever, they weren’t going anywhere, they could be patient until she submitted. Besides, the chase was fun for them. The next morning she remembered nothing of her dreams, all she knew was the urge to type, she must continue, must reach the end of it, so that she could begin again. She headed to the computer, she brought up what should have been her work, but it was gone, all of her thoughts and emotions had been deleted. She must start again, this thought didn't bother her as much as it should have, typing was something that she now enjoyed, and typing was all she enjoyed. Typing would be her life! Again the day went as before, her doing nothing but typing, noticing nothing but typing. Typing was becoming her, her was becoming nothing. Both her parents tried to arouse her from the daze she was in, but neither could. Not even the arrival of her boyfriend brought any life too her, she just typed. Nothing could distract her; she must finish this today, because it wouldn't be there tomorrow. For days this went on, she did nothing but type, trying to finish her work before the end of the day, and sleep caught up on her, but she never did. Her parents and friends became more and more worried about her, nothing they did ever brought her out of her stupor, it was almost like was on something, except she never ate or drank anything. She had been wearing the same clothes since she began, she never left to even sleep anymore, she just fell asleep at her chair, waking up early and typing till she passed out. Everyday the same She was almost finished, she had one page to go, and then she e would be free, free from the things that tormented her, that forced her to finish, to complete her work, so that they may take her over once and for all. That was fine with her, she knew she wouldn't really be there when they got to her she would be else where, a place with out them, she would be free, free from all pain. She just had to finish this page and print it, then she could go, then she could leave. At last, she was done, she hit print, as soon as she did, and she collapsed. Both parents ran to her, to see what was wrong, to see why she had just collapsed from her chair. They had both been waiting beside her for days now, waiting for her to come back from where ever she was, to return to them from her inner world. When they got to her, they knew she would never be coming back, ever. She had collapsed because she had died. Her mother looked over at the printer when it started up, to see what she had printed before she perished. What she saw there horrified her. It was line after line of what looked to be a chant in some very strange language, one with out any vowels, or any other form or resemblance to the English language, or any other on this earth. There were pages of it to, at least a hundred, the printer was complaining about being out of paper, but this was a special one, designed for a mass print, how could it be out? What was it that had captured her daughter so much that she had been unable to do anything else but type it up for days? This was something she didn't think she would ever find out Far from the place where she had collapsed, in an abandon house, a strange form arose, and smiled. Finally, he was free, free from that stupid box that had held him for years, free to destroy the world and all that had been safe. They put him in the box, and now they would pay. Now that the incantation had been rewritten, now he could conquer all, and make them grovel at his feet for mercy... and then he would kill them.

Dark Poetry

2004-06-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

Things that lurk
In shadows dark
That come and
Creep in the park

The monster that
Hides beneath
The bed, the night,
The doorway wreath

The come for you
On night so gray
Looking for
The correct Way

To take you down
To feed themselves
To take the your life
For their shelves

Beware the shadow
Beneath the floor
They come for you
They’re at your door.

Music Poem

2004-06-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

A flowing note
A ringing sound
A smooth rhythm
I dance along

Flows like water
Into my soul
Swirling around me
A beat, a toll.

Cutting a design
a rough feeling
Causing a stir
Of my heart sealing

Dancing to
A pattern unknown
All self-loathing
Aside is thrown

Curing me
Of all that ails
Moving like this
My spirit sails.

The second one and the third

2004-06-07T12:17:00.000-07:00

Night time shadows
Creep out light
Darkness stirs
Under stars bright

Feelings creep
Through shadows dark
Scaling up
Rouhg tree bark

Bright moon shines
Lights up some
Deep star lite
Shines on none

Twilghit coming
Dusk is here
Run throughs shadows
Not to fear

Nights music
Playing strong
Struming softly
Drifts along

Cool breeze blows
Streaming on
Till night's over
Oh, here comes dawn.

Demons of the night

Eyes of green
Gold or Blue
Nightly Glowing
In bright hues

Pointed ears
And furry tail
Able to walk
On roof or rail

Softly padding
In the night
Curled up sleeping
In sunlight

Land on feet
From any height
In the dark
Has perfect sight

The first one I wrote while outside, the second I wrote to discribe somthing, I like doing that, describing somthing so that others know what it is, with out saying what it is.

My first poem here

2004-06-07T12:13:00.000-07:00

Joy emerges
Deep within
Bringing glad
And thoughts of sin

Hearing voice
Over waves
Happy thoughts
Start to rave

Deep embrace
Coming soon
S[pirt high
As the moon

Dancing wild
Smile shows
Reaveling gladness
That soul knows

This really doesn't have a name, or anything, most don't, but, it was written yesterday, and it has true meaning to it.